25 June 2020
Robbie (not his real name) contacted me after his sister suggested he talk to a psychologist. I sat him in front of the mirror to begin mirror therapy and he could not look at his face. He told me he felt physically disgusted by that person reflected back at him. He was crying, and shared his intense feelings of sadness and loneliness. Robbie told me his long-term partner was belittling him, making him feel inadequate, ‘a good for nothing who nobody cares for’, ‘not a real man’.
Robbie stopped seeing his friends and family as his partner became very possessive and would harass him with accusations of infidelity.
He also stopped purchasing things for fear that she would tell him he was wasting his money on useless things, even when he was buying food for the family. Over the past three years, she also began to push him and smack him. She would hit him with anything she can get hold of. She threatened to report him to the police and to tell his friends what a ‘useless case he is.’
Robbie was surprised to see the compassion in my eyes as he expected to be judged by me. He was also surprised I used domestic violence to describe what was happening to him. His first reaction was ‘…but I am a man. Domestic violence happens to women, not men.’
Abuse of men happens far more often than most people imagine—in both heterosexual and same sex relationships. It happens to men from all cultures regardless of age or occupation. Figures suggest that as many as one in three domestic violence victims are male. However, men are often reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, fear they won’t be believed, or are scared that their partner will take revenge.
For both male and female victims of abuse, the message is the same: you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Help is available, so please do contact me. I look forward to working with you.
I have had the pleasure to e-meet Andrew Pain who has experienced and promoted talking about domestic violence in men. Andrew has kindly allowed me to link his video to my blog.
Photo by Download a Pic, Pexels